The following essay is collaged in the engraved lines:

 

Scary, isn’t it?  To trust when so much has gone “wrong”.

Not according to plan.

When so much has been hurtful?

 

But we can’t fight against divine order.  The very typing my hands are doing in this moment is a part of it.  The storms that are happening now are pieces of my story.  Our very existence is divine order, so we might as well flow as powerfully as we can with it, right?

 

As eloquent as that may sound, how it shows up in reality is not as sexy.  Let’s be inclusive about how we think about flowing powerfully with divine order, because healing is not always sun showers and fresh picked apples.

 

Powerfully Flowing with Divine Order looks like…

My body kicking and screaming, but still having a knowing.

My mind being at ease but my body feeling like it’s being raped and ravaged. 

It feels like anxiety and low confidence.  It feels like depression.

It looks like my skin glowing, and my body feeling amazing.

It looks like smiles in the sunshine and big eyes with new ideas.

It looks like forgiving myself for those late night and early morning “dirty” thoughts.

It looks like pouring myself into my art and writings.

 

All of these way ups and way downs.

 

How do we powerfully flow with Divine Order when we are T R A U M A T I Z E D physically?

I have experienced what it feels like to say NO and for someone not to listen.  I’ve experienced the numbness of my body.  The antithesis of mindfulness.  It’s like my “mind” vacated every crevice of my body and went into a cocoon.  There I was, in protective mode, at 12 years old, on an island.  Knowing my sanity is paramount.  Feeling like there was something inside me I could still protect.  That he couldn’t get all of me.

 

We are physical beings.  Unless I was born that way or experience some physical trauma, the body that carries my soul around can’t be permanently compartmentalized. Even if for a moment I am successful in doing so, the trauma catches up to the part I tried to protect.  The part I tried to disillusion. 

 

The storm is rough.  It’s not all rosy and delightful even when you ‘know what to do’.  How to keep your chakras aligned. How to pull from your ancestral well to pull through and thrive.

 

Keep flowing in your divine purpose.  Continue to flow in the melody that is your life.

 

I affirm you.  I affirm me.  I affirm all of those who are like a beautiful broken porcelain bowl displayed in a pretty glass jar.  You are still beautiful and still shining.

​

J. Alexandra Escarpeta